Weekly Celebretards: Nicole Ritchie and Bridgitte Nielsen

According to reports, 26 year old starlet Nicole Richie was allegedly kicked out from the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas early morning Sunday. Apparently, the skinny “bitch” – a nickname she and BFF Paris Hilton shared as a term of endearment – had a fight with another guest from the hotel. The incident happened while they were waiting in line for the valet after partying the previous Saturday night at Wasted Space with fiancé Joel Madden, his twin Benji (Paris Hilton’s current boyfriend), and the rest of rock band Good Charlotte.

Here’s a picture of Nicole Ritchie at club Wasted Space the night before the incident

One of the witnesses told reporters that: “Nicole started fighting with this woman while they were both waiting for the valet to bring ‘round their cars. She ended up being so
rowdy that she was escorted off the property by security.”

But according to one of Nicole’s reps: “Nicole was in Las Vegas but there wasn’t an altercation of any kind involving her.”

That’s nice to hear since only recently did the starlet reveal that life hasn’t been the same since she and her fiancé had their daughter Harlow, who is now five months old:

“I’m happier than I have ever been but I take nothing for granted. I have great friends, a great family, a great place to live and a beautiful baby. I’ve gone through a lot of hardship in my past but I really feel like I’ve come out on the other end. I’d really like to show how much I appreciate the fact that I’m still here, because I almost didn’t get that chance.”

We all know that stuff like this is normal for celebetards like Nicole, with her relentless bitchiness and reputation. But that was supposedly a thing of the past. The starlet had gone to rehab and was a completely different person since getting engaged to her rocker boyfriend. It was evident in all her previous sightings; all except for this one. Perhaps we should give this celebretard a break for now. After all, change isn’t something that happens overnight.

Okay, sorry about the Nicole Ritchie story. That was lame. But we had to report it now since we know it could turn out to be the monumental return of the bitch.

While I scoured the net looking for something juicy for this week’s column I stumbled upon something utterly gross instead – which of course I will now write about.

Do you know who Brigitte Nielsen is?

Let me start by saying that she is one of the ultimate celebretards. Read on.

This Danish actress first came into the movie scene in 1985 when she appeared as the lead character in “Red Sonja,” alongside a fellow unknown named Arnold Schwarzenegger. She captured the interest of many producers then, one of which was currently working on the soon-to-be blockbuster hit “Rocky IV.” This is where Brigitte met her soon-to-be husband Sylvester Stallone. They hit it off pretty well and actually made another movie the following year called “Cobra.” Then the two had a widely publicized breakup the year after. And the year after that saw her reveal an extramarital affair with baseball superstar Mark Gastineau. Everyone thought that was the end of her career. She was pretty much spat out of the Hollywood mainstream.

More than ten years later, she reappears in “The Surreal Life” – a not-so-popular reality show who starred not-so-popular celebs. It was a match made in heaven; for both the show and for her soon-to-be new lover, old skool rapper Flava Flav. The two got involved and their “love” gave birth to a spinoff called “Strange Love.” Sadly it wasn’t enough to bring her career back so she decided again in 2008 to join another reality show called “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.” It was like Surreal Life 2, only more desperate (we are starting to see a downhill pattern, right?). “Rehab” was also full of washed-up celebs, but instead of just bickering with each other they mostly struggled against their drug addictions. The cast was a “salad bowl” of dopeheads – there was a talentless actor (Daniel Baldwin), pornstars (Mary Carey, Jaimee Foxworth), a wrestler (Chyna), a UFC fighter (Ricco Rodriguez), an American Idol (Jessica Sierra), 2 other dudes, and Brigitte. Perhaps the only newsworthy thing that happened here was that Brigitte revealed her broken relationship with her drug addicted, prostitute mother. And a tear rolls down from our eyes.

Now the fun part.

As you can see, Brigitte was excited to have her boobs lifted

Brigitte Nielsen is now the star of a new reality show… in Germany!!! It’s called “Aus Alt Mach Neu” or “Turning Old Into New.” The four-part mini-series first aired on Sunday; 2.5 million Germans tuned in as Brigitte underwent several plastic surgeries on live television. They liposuctioned her thighs, Botoxed her eyes, and drained some silicon out of her sagging 44-year-old breasts (which she fondly called Titsi and Tatsi). Yeah, and did I mention it was on live television?

“I know I am the first female celebrity in the world who has allowed herself to be filmed like that in an operating theatre,” said the old lady. “I know I will be breaking a taboo. But I’m sure that it will provoke a new discussion. It’s time things change. I feel 30 and want to look that way again.”

Okay. Everything she said was stupid, especially the part when she called herself a celebrity.

“The secrecy in Hollywood is annoying. You can see that the stars do not age naturally. It’s not right that the fans, the normal women, are lied to,” she added. “I’m getting a complete renewal: facelift, eyelift, fat injections in my face, liposuction, a breast lift and I need new teeth.”

And by doing that you are being helpful how?!?

The madness did not stop there. Brigitte added that she will be auctioning off her fat and donate the proceeds to charity. Then she wants to pose for Playboy again after gracing their cover 20 years ago.

“I wanna look up and say, ‘Oh, I like myself.’ I don’t like my lines… I’m gonna do the boobs; I’m gonna lift them and be a bit more discreet and then I will do Playboy. Twenty years ago, I did the cover of Playboy… I wanna do Playboy December this year. I’m gonna be 45.”

For all our sakes let’s just hope that all the surgeries are successful. Otherwise, instead of gracing she would be better off grazing. Like a cow.